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1-2-3 Magic: 3-Step Discipline for Calm, Effective, and Happy Parenting, by Thomas W. Phelan
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The simplest, most effective parenting program for raising happy, well-behaved children
• 2016 Mom's Choice Award Winner
• 2016 National Parenting Product Award Winner
• 2016 Family Choice Award Winner
"1-2-3 Magic made parenting fun again."
"My three-year-old has become a different little girl, and she is so much happier now."
"All I have to say is that the ideas in this book really WORK! It really is like magic!"
"Our home has become a much more positive place."
The sixth edition of the 1.8 million-copy bestseller 1-2-3 Magic by internationally acclaimed parenting expert Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D. compiles two decades of research and experience into an easy-to-use program designed for parents striving to connect more deeply with their children and help them develop into healthy, capable teenagers and adults. Dr. Phelan breaks down the complex task of parenting into three straightforward steps:
1. Helping your children learn how to control their emotions and refrain from negative behavior, including tantrums, whining, and sibling rivalry
2. Encouraging good behavior in your children and providing positive feedback
3. Strengthening your relationships with your children to reinforce the natural parent-child bond
You'll find tools to use in virtually every situation, as well as real-life stories from parents who have successfully navigated common parenting challenges such as reluctance to do chores, talking back, and refusing to go to bed or getting up in the middle of the night. For years, millions of parents from all over the world have used the award-winning 1-2-3 Magic program to help their children develop emotional intelligence, raise healthier, happier families, and put the fun back into parenting.
Along with other highly-respected parenting classics such as How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, Parenting with Love and Logic, The 5 Love Languages of Children, No Drama Discipline, and The Whole Brain Child, 1-2-3 Magic is an essential tool for parents hoping to connect more deeply with their children.
- Sales Rank: #10515 in eBooks
- Published on: 2016-02-02
- Released on: 2016-02-02
- Format: Kindle eBook
Review
“An excellent, workable, and supportive resource for parents and educators.” —Booklist
About the Author
Dr. Thomas W. Phelan is an internationally renowned expert, author, and lecturer on child discipline and Attention Deficit Disorder. A registered Ph.D. clinical psychologist, he appears frequently on radio and TV. Dr. Phelan practices and works in the western suburbs of Chicago.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Welcome to 1-2-3 Magic
Parenting is one of the most important jobs in the world, and it can also be one of life's most enjoyable experiences. Small children are engaging, affectionate, entertaining, curious, full of life, and fun to be around. For many adults, parenting provides profound and unique benefits unequaled by any other area of life.
Yet being a mom or a dad can also be unbelievably frustrating. Repeat the Twinkie scene more than a thousand times and you have guaranteed misery. In extreme but all-too-common situations, that misery can become the source of emotional and physical abuse. That's no way for anyone-child or adult-to live.
Children don't come with a How-To-Raise-Me training manual. That's why there is a program like 1-2-3 Magic. The 1-2-3 program is currently being used all over the world by millions of parents (including single and divorced), teachers, grandparents, day care centers, babysitters, summer camp counselors, hospital staff, and other child caretakers, all of whom are working toward the goal of raising happy, healthy children.
The 1-2-3 program is also being taught and recommended by thousands of mental health professionals and pediatricians. At parent-teacher conferences, teachers recommend 1-2-3 Magic to the parents of their students (and sometimes parents recommend 1-2-3 Magic for Teachers to the teachers!).
Why all the enthusiasm? As one parent put it, "1-2-3 Magic was easy to learn and it gave me results. I went back to enjoying my kids and being the kind of mother I knew I could be." More than twenty-five years after the launch of the program, we're hearing from parents today who say, "My kids were great kids and now they're nice adults. We enjoy being with them."
1-2-3 Magic helps children grow up to be self-disciplined adults who are competent, happy, and able to get along with others. In other words, it helps produce emotionally intelligent people-people who can manage their own feelings as well as understand and respond to the emotions of others.
The methods described in this book are easy to master and you can start the program right away. Depending on whether you use the book, the audio CD, or the two DVDs, the technique takes about three to four hours to learn. Anyone can use 1-2-3 Magic-all it takes is determination and commitment!
How to Get Started
When you finish learning the 1-2-3 Magic program it is a good idea to start practicing it immediately. Talk with your spouse or partner, if both of you are living at home, and then get going right away. If you are a single parent, take a deep breath and then explain the drill to your children. Do the same thing if you're a grandparent. If you don't start right away, you may never get around to it.
After learning 1-2-3 Magic, you will know exactly what to do, what not to do, what to say, and what not to say in just about every one of the common, everyday problem situations you run into with your kids. Because 1-2-3 Magic is based on only a few basic but critical principles, you will not only be able to remember what to do, you will be able to do it when you are anxious, agitated, or otherwise upset (which for many of us parents is every day!). You will also be able to be a kind but effective parent when you are busy, in a hurry, or otherwise preoccupied.
What to Expect When You Begin the 1-2-3 Program
When you start 1-2-3 Magic, your relationship with your children will change quickly. But there is good news and bad news. The good news is that initially about half of all kids will fall into the "immediate cooperator" category. You start the program and they cooperate right away-sometimes "just like magic." What do you do? Just relax and enjoy your good fortune!
The bad news is that the other half of the kids will fall into the "immediate tester" category. These children will get worse first. They will challenge you to see if you really mean business with your new parenting ideas. If you stick to your guns, however-no arguing, yelling, or hitting-you will get the vast majority of these little testers shaped up fairly well in about a week to ten days. Then what do you do? You start enjoying your children again.
Believe it or not, you may soon have a much more peaceful home and more enjoyable kids. You will go back to liking and respecting yourself as a parent-and it can all happen in the foreseeable future!
Before we get into the details of the 1-2-3 program and Parenting Job 1, controlling obnoxious behavior, we should identify some very important concepts that are the fundamental to understanding how 1-2-3 Magic works:
1.The most effective orientation to-or philosophy of-parenting (chapter 1).
2.The three basic parenting jobs (chapter 2).
3.The dangerous assumption parents, teachers, and other caretakers often make about young children (chapter 3).
4.The two biggest discipline mistakes made by adults (chapter 4).
Most helpful customer reviews
48 of 49 people found the following review helpful.
It's working for us and our almost 3 year old!
By Shawnamama
So far so good! Our son is 2.5 years old and testing us at every turn. He's sweet and intelligent but also very high energy and exerting his independence. I personally got very frustrated with him at times and needed to find a way to effectively handle those moments. Just like with Dog training, it's about training the parent. This book has given my husband and I a better understanding of our son and a strategy for handling unwanted behavior. Just having an approach/plan of action has calmed us all. We also liked how the book points out that children are NOT small adults. We need to stop expecting them to be mature and reasonable. I like that there isn't a lot of conversation- just calm counting and sending him to time out. The only time I have had trouble is when I REALLY can't deal with him- as in alone with him and my infant and I'm bathing her. Obviously I can't walk away from her to send him to his room. Times like that, I just have to predict the scenario and put him in a place where he can't get into trouble. We highly recommend this book if you need a method of dealing with your little one/s that keeps everyone calm and it works to boot!
24 of 25 people found the following review helpful.
it WORKS!
By teeniegeenie
all i have to say is that the ideas in this book WORK! it really is like magic! my twins have started actually listening to me! I feel like I am back in charge, rather than them!
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Clear instructions as well as great examples. My eight year old son is doing ...
By R.V.
This is a well written book. Clear instructions as well as great examples. My eight year old son is doing very well with this new method of discipline/instruction. The one thing we do differently is the book suggests that after the three count and take 8 minutes in his room, for the child to come back and nothing is mentioned about previous behaviour. We changed that into coming over for a hug and an apology and then we move on. I have seen a huge difference in his heart attitude and he also is learning to control himself and to stop his behaviour before getting to a three count. Obviously, we still have issues (he's not perfect), but I can see a noticeable change in him as a young man. The other change is me. I am not yelling, I am not getting upset, no anger in me anymore. I know that I can just shrug my shoulders inside and know I can react calmly and count and it resolves itself gently/quietly. I feel for the first time I have control again (what I mean is I have been anxious about this child in public or with company because I just never knew how to control him when he was completely disrespectful or disobedient, he never cared how he looked in public throwing a tantrum,etc.), now I feel safe again and he feels safe, too. I hope that makes sense. Thank you for this book.
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